You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
