I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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