If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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