It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
