I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
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