Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
