he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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