I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
