i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Randomize
