i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
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