i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
