Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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