Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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