Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Randomize
