i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
he had hair everywhere except his balls
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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