Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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