what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
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