we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Randomize
