we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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