hotel room ftw
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
