question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
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