Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
