when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Randomize