My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Randomize
