I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize