If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize
