South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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