2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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