Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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