she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
