Fine. I'll sleep in my office
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
My feet surprised me
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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