she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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