he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
