haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
