...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
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