We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize