I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
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