My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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