She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
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