I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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