it hurts more in the daytime
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
