We're facebook friends in real life
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize