I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
