Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
