There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
