i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I just found puke in my bra..
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
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