Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
No subtext here. People are naked.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Randomize
