I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Randomize
