im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
