This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
