i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
