no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Randomize
