Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
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