He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
