youre lurking in front of me
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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