I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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