my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
my shit smells like andre
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Randomize
