I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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