so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
