Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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