go do what you do best...puke behind churches
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
My liver just had a heart attack.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Randomize
