If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Randomize
