We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
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