Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
