when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
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