I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
