Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
