she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
