like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
